She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
