I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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