I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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