Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
