Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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