I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
