plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
