I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
