i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
