i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
