Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
