I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
