She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
