What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
