im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
