I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
