remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
