A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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