last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
from now on my penis is your penis
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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