Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i will never coherently bang her
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
