So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
