is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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