this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
