My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
