dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
