I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
