i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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