i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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