Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You can't motorboat a personality
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
