just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
