you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
