I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just found a bag of teeth...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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