I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
