you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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