and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
