I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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