sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It all started with a game of naked twister.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
