ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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