someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
