dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
