OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
