it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
