i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
