Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
