can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
