I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
