dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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