WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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