I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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