im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
