i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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