best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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