ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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